Sunday Morning Quarterback

Monday, December 26, 2005

SMQ BOWL BLITZ: TO WATCH OR NOT TO WATCH?
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The Champs Sports Bowl: After the head coach vs. angry gator cage match, the game is a snap!

The first game of the postseason to actually feature teams who would have been bowling five years ago. You know, back when corporatism hadn't yet creeped into every element of our beloved sport. Back when the Champs Sports Bowl was innocently known as the...uh...the Micron PC Bowl. But this match-up could have existed before that, ten years ago, when Steve Taneyhill could still come to town obliviously sporting a flailing, immortal rat tail, when this was the...CarQuest Bowl? Okay, but even before that, early nineties, when sponsors knew their place, when this game had integrity, when it was the...er...Blockbuster Bowl. Hmph.

Who: Clemson (7-4) vs. Colorado (7-5)
Where: The Citrus Bowl in Orlando, Florida, again home to two bowl games this year, neither of them named the Citrus Bowl. Aside from Adrian Karsten's annual shill for the ~~Cirtus~~ Capital One Bowl and various tourist traps deemed attractive by the tourist information bureau, Orlando is also home to "Gatorland," one of the city's oldest redneck draws. Gatorland is known internationally as the "Alligator Capital of the World," and hosted competitors Clemson and Colorado last week for the "Gator Jumparoo Show" and a "gator wrestling match," wherein distinguished head coaches Mike Hankowitz (interim) and Tommy Bowden attempted to pull gators by the tail from their cozy, aquatic resting place into a sand pit. Hankowitz, a former linebacker and tight end, was successful; Bowden, presumably, was not.

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And Tommy (right) thought struggling with gators was his daddy's problem

Watch Because: This is the season's first match-up of seven game winners and first match-up of BCS-conference schools. Clemson is the first top 25 team to play; Colorado was there ten games into its season. In other words, a game you might actually watch during the regular season for a change.
Don't Watch Because: Over the last three weeks of the season, one team was 3-0 and outscored two ranked rivals 48-23; the other was 0-3, outscored 130-22 and had its coach fired amidst continuing accusations of scandal. Is anyone really interested in watching Colorado complete its depressing slide into oblivion before Baby Face Hawkins arrives to resurrect the ghost of Bill McCartney?

What Else is On: You have no life. But the Champs Sports Bowl isn't your only option to fill the void eroding your inner soul:
Arts and Entertainment, 4 p.m. CST - City Confidential: Houston: Cheers and Fears
60 mins. Recalling the case of Wanda Holloway, who hired a hit man in 1991 to murder the mother of a cheerleader, hoping the girl would be too upset to join the team, thereby giving Holloway's daughter a chance to make the squad. The murder was foiled, and Holloway served six months of a 15-year sentence. Narrator: Paul Winfield.

MTV, 4 p.m. CST - Road Rules/Real World Challenge
30 mins. The 11th season kicks off with a team of rookies and a team of veterans battling it out for more than $300,000 in prizes in a series of competitions on the tropical isle of Tabago. Pro BMX rider T.J. Lavin is the host.

VH1, 5 p.m. CST - I Love the '80s Strikes Back: 1989
60 mins. A look at pop culture in 1989, including "Field of Dreams," "Thirtysomething," the Clapper, Zsa Zsa Gabor slapping a cop and Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."

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Your mind says "No!" but your remote says, "Eh, nothing else is on."

The History Channel, 5 p.m. CST - Julius Caesar's Greatest Battle
60 mins. Recalling the 52 B.C. Battle of Alesia, between Roman forces under Caesar's command and Gallic tribes led by Vercingetorix. The battle was a turning point ins Caesar's Gallic Wars, giving Rome the advantage, and is considered to be Caesar's greatest military victory.
Watchability Rating (click here for the SMQ Watchability Scale): The weeks since championship weekend have been barren and parched, with the first bowl matchups providing only a few spare drizzles on the wilting spirits of CFB fans. At last, a storm of some consequence.

SMQ's Pick: Clemson 27, Colorado 13
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